Friends with benefits.







I woke up from a dream the other morning, I dreamt that my close friend didn't want to layan me anymore and the feeling of disappointment loomed over me the entire day till now actually thinking what if it happens one day? I never knew the impact of not having friends around can do to me until I moved here.
Sure, you can make new friends and form a new community but really, how rare is that? Good for you if you are the sort that could share your heart out and have the same exchange coming back at you but like everything else, people come and go. Time changes emotions, heals and hurts like a clockwork.
I did try to form a new base here but most times I wished I hadn't because a few instances sure taught me how pathetic it could get- the sparkles that once made me admire them turned into this bad aftertaste of superficial motive of personal gains. The fabricated illusion of how genuinely amazing it must be to meet so and so and form a creative friendship is great if the followers and connections are more than you, on the inside. The closes I got offered as a friend with benefit was to be an intern, without a pay but I get transportation reimbursement for my time and quote "you take good pictures and you can follow me to events and you'll probably get to meet lots of people".
I never spoke to her again and it's a pity we met in real life as the fabricated world of the world wide web sure felt like it was a promising friendship awaiting to blossom. It was apparent that I didn't have that many followers, connections and a name in the PR list in Korea thus I should know my position.
As always, someone else wouldn't mind it (the no pay or lower than low pay) because, well...you are promised access to shows but exposures don't pay the bills if you in turn don't work the hours polishing the next person's shoes... and I wouldn't blame anyone for taking the job I declined because I've been there too, doing things for exposure sake but mainly because I wanted my work to get out there when I was fresh out of school.
It isn't easy, some might say that there are dues to be paid because if you don't have a million followers, it snowballs to the work, people and goals that will remain unattainable just because your digits are no match to your talents.
Dignity, let no one take that away.
Now, back to what I was saying...Sigh, how do I keep friends back home safe in my arms when I only get to meet them like only 2-3 times a year? Oh God, help. I already feel as left out and out of touch as I could mentally handle. :(

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